


Round Here

by camatie



Category: Bandom, Panic At The Disco
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Nightmares, So much angst, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-25
Updated: 2012-07-25
Packaged: 2017-11-10 18:00:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/469118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camatie/pseuds/camatie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon finds Ryan on the roof.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Round Here

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this in 2010 for hc_bingo, and now that I have an account on here, I thought I might as well contribute something.
> 
> Heed the warnings [meaning character death].

Brendon bursts through the door of the roof, where he finds Ryan standing too close to the edge of the building.

Ryan doesn’t even have to turn around to know who it is.

“I’m right here, Bren.” Ryan speaks softly as he teeters on the precipice.

Brendon sucks in short breaths of cold air, heart beat racing from the run up the stairs, and increasing by the second.

“I know what you’re thinking Ryan, and you can’t- you can’t do it.” Brendon chokes out past the rather large lump in his throat.

Ryan pauses.

“I can’t concentrate on guitar anymore, have I told you that? Can’t concentrate on much of anything, lately.”

He looks into the sky, just as lightning strikes not far away. Sprinkles of rain begin to fall down on his face.

“Half the time I can barely remember the chords to songs we’ve written.”

Brendon takes a small, quiet step forward.

“Ryan, we have to get inside. Please, please just step down.”

Brendon’s voice was cracking, his eyes were watering, even without the help from the rain, and he felt like his life was crumbling beneath him. The only thing that worried him was that Ryan was crumbling with it.

“I’m empty, Brendon. There’s nothing left for me here.”

“But I’m here, Ryan. Jesus Christ, what about me?”

Ryan smiles to himself, staring down the 6 story drop to the ground.

“You can find someone much better for you than this emotional fuck up.”

“I don’t want someone else, you are the emotional fuck up that I want!”

Brendon screams into the night sky, tears mixing with the rain that’s started to pour around them.

Ryan slowly turns around, facing Brendon.

For a moment, Brendon feels a glimmer of hope ignite.

“You deserve better than me, Brendon.” Ryan takes a step back, heel edging the end of the building. Brendon winces. The glimmer of hope fades.

“I’ll always love you.”

Ryan steps back again, only this time there is no more roof left to keep him from falling.

Brendon screams, but the last thing Ryan Ross hears is the wind rushing past him.

\---

Brendon is fast asleep, but he’s tossing and turning and sweating underneath the thin sheet in his bunk.

His eyes shoot open, he’s gasping for breath, and there’s suddenly an arm wrapped around his neck.

“Spencer.” He breathes out, tears streaking his paled cheeks.

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“I had another one.”

“I know.”

All Brendon can think to do is wrap his arms around Spencer’s shoulders, since those are the only things keeping him grounded.

For a while, they lay there like that. Quiet. Just listening to each other’s breaths.

“I miss him, Spence. So fucking much.”

Spencer’s arms tighten around Brendon’s fragile frame. He takes a deep breath, failing to keep his voice from cracking in the short reply.

“So do I.”

A choked noise comes from the back of Brendon’s throat.

“Every night, I see him jump off that roof. How many times do I have to see it before I have enough sense to catch him?”

Spencer tightens his grip.

Brendon continues to crumble.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I have no idea if this is even any good. But thanks for reading!


End file.
